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#46 - Love Is Complicated And Under Used For Healing Each Other

Updated: Jan 11

By KC Johnson  

Two hands sharing hearts with red background

                                                                                                              Image by Gerd Altmann on Pixabay


Why are we so reluctant to tell people we love them?  It is the most important word in any language and yet love has so much baggage attached to its usage that the vast majority of people are reluctant to tell another person they love them.

Perhaps our reluctance is due to misunderstood values we place on the word.  After all, we can have love for parents and family members, for friends and certainly for emotionally attracted people in our lives.  But we can have love for pets, a car, a favorite musical instrument, a special place outdoors, or a host of any other emotional connection that make us feel good, accepted, and loved.

What every one of us craves is to be loved, to be energetically in synch with another person.  To know that we are in the thoughts of another brings us that validation that we matter.  It is the Law of Attraction that pulls us together.  We need to hear that we are loved, to feel loved, to be in that magical synch that is so important.

Obviously, we have varying intensities of love feelings for friends, an animal, and even parents.  The stronger our love intensity is the better it makes us feel, even to the point of being giddy with excitement and totally oblivious to the world around us as we engage our thoughts about our love focus.

Wouldn’t life be transformed for every one of us if we were able to allow ourselves to give and receive love with intensity.  If we could let ourselves share emotional connections with our friends, with our parent, with casual acquaintances, not only in the platonic way most of us now give “love,” but with deep heart-felt feelings for the wellbeing of others.  It is so much more than the sexual love so often used as the standard.

So what is love?  Where does it come from?  How does it change the very nature of our beingness?  Is it even possible to live in a fully loving community that easily gives and accepts love?  Probably the most difficult question is why is it so difficult to give to others?


My Take On What Love Energy Is

We have consciousness paradigms well beyond what nearly every one of us can comprehend.  Within every one of these paradigms are energies flowing that we don’t yet know how to measure or understand.  But just within our physical world of energies, we can begin to see a model that likely applies to our universe.

Energy needs to flow freely and unimpeded, that is its nature.  It is always trying to find the path of least resistance.  Just watch the ebbing and flowing of water, or clouds, or electricity.  It can be a mesmerizing dance of rising and descending air, or stones in the water’s path, or unseen pathways for electrical charges.  Energy is what makes up every aspect of our thoughts and physical structures.

When energetic pathways are disturbed to the point of constricting the flow, a very different environment is created.  Blocked energies will find a way to release the constriction back to the natural state.  Dams will eventually burst, constricted nuclear change reactions will eventually explode, out-of-balance ions in the atmosphere will develop explosive lightning in an effort to reclaim the free-flowing state.  Even our held thoughts can result in explosive outbursts of behavior.

Our thoughts are also a form of energy.  Loving thoughts bring us ecstasy, deep pleasure, and a sense of well-being.  Constricted, non-loving, judgmental thoughts bring us distress and confusion.  Left unchecked, these held negative thoughts can metastasize into hateful feelings.  Our inner energy dam can eventually consume us whether from our actions or from us physically distorting our bodies that reflect our thoughts.  Life decisions based on the damming of our personal energy judgments creates our sense of self that shape our personality resulting in constricted, unloving behaviors.  Loving thoughts creates a sense of self that allows our energy to flow, to be open, flexible, trusting, and accepting of others without judgment.

It is actually a rather simplistic system that we have 100% control over.  Holding loving thoughts brings us enjoyable experiences, a sense of wellbeing, and physical wellness.  Our inner energies are flowing freely, creatively, and heal us and the world around us.  We create these loving energies with the thoughts that we hold on to, that we practice using, and that we intentionally use to heal the thoughts of others.  We radiate the loving energies, just as we can radiate constricting judgmental thought energies, to others around us, and even to the energies of our planet. 

Look at the status of life around us.  Crisis, chaos, our degrading environment are reflections of our inner turmoil around not feeling loved.  We are so powerful collectively that we are changing our environment.  We allow the imbalances to happen because we are out-of-balance within ourselves.  We hide behind professions that destroy our planet’s equilibrium, believe in mistreating and controlling others for our own gain, and avoid engaging in self-examination to discover the source of our fears.


Where Does Love Energy Come From?

My sense is that we learn to love from our earliest life experiences.  If we are fully nurtured, held, listened to, told that we are loved, accepted for our own early explorations of ideas, then we will feel loved and we will be able to share our energies with others.  It can’t help but flow out of us, we become pure love energy generators.  In my mind, this is the true ultimate purpose we have, to learn from our experiences and become able to love every moment.

When we love, we become a part of the natural flow of unfettered energies swirling around us and throughout the universe.  It is as though we have the ability to become energetic filters that scrub the energies around us.  We can create loving connections with others, we can change the thought patterns and behaviors that destroy our planet, and we can develop mechanisms that maximize the healing all around us.

We also need to be aware that held energies come from judgment that evolve from our sense of self that our inner child created.  Without the feeling of being loved and accepted our sense of self can be as destructive as the power of feeling loved can be for healing.

Our true powers are limitless only confined by the thoughts we hold, the rules we choose to live by, and the tolerances we have for those around us who lead unloving lives.  We have the ability to teach our young how to love so that they can continue propagating an energetic balance throughout their lives.  Fulsome nurturing our young can result in an exponential growth of love energy in our world.

When our inner little child feels safe, it develops a healthy sense of self.  This is the area we all rely on for interpreting our place in the world.  A healthy, loving, and accepting childhood creates a confident and loving approach to life as an adult.  It’s not rocket science, but it does require helping parents and care givers to understand the importance of nurturing touch, mentoring, accepting, and supporting the growing periods each child goes through.

It also means the adults need to release their reliance on judgment towards their own inner self and towards their child’s unique beingness.  As mentioned earlier, everyone needs to feel loved.  Parents who did not receive sufficient, unconditional love as a child will likely have difficulty understanding how to be unconditionally loving with their own children.


Chakra meditation on lovingkindness

Image by John Hain on Pixabay


Why Is It So Difficult To Give Love To Others?

Unfortunately, few of us are able to escape our childhoods unscathed by experiences that disturbed our love energy development.  Anything that made our little child feel unsafe, unvalued, unaccepted, created within our little child the need to find protection.  In other words, the thoughts our child had been feeling became distorted.  Being new to this world and without protective tools to ward off the unsafe conditions it was experiencing or being able to advocate for the changes it needs, our child discovered the only tool it had at its disposal.  Judgment.

Judgment is nearly as powerful as love.  Our child’s use of judgment was designed to provide some relief from emotional discomfort and painful experiences.  Even perceived threats that were unintended, such not being fed when hungry or not being held enough, caused our child self to use protective measures.  By examining the world through our little child’s eyes, and not our adult eyes, we can better understand why our child felt unsafe.  And remember, it was us as a child that created the sense of self we continue using today to deal with the word we face.

Just as a fully nurtured childhood allows our child to develop a healthy sense of self, an unsafe childhood will cause our child to develop an emotionally compromised sense of its worthiness, feeling unsafe in the world, and a skewed view about the world.  Those nagging feelings we have as we try going to sleep at night have their roots in our early child experiences.  Self-doubt, anger, depression, sadness, fears, and conditional relationships are just different reactions our child had to its experiences back then.  Even if conditions that fostered the initial need for protective judgments have long since passed, our child’s initial imprinted messaging continues to take precedent over our current thinking.

Since so many of us have not done the challenging work of healing our fragile inner child we have real difficulty developing a healthy relationship with deep love.  Our love of self is compromised.  It is as though our sense of self is intensely honest and even though we can override our use of the word love with our adult mind, our child’s inner sense of self doesn’t accept our use of it.  Perhaps we resist using the word because we don’t fully love our own self.  Our child identity still prevails. 

And not only is it difficult saying “I love you” to another person, but it can be even more difficult hearing someone say “I love you” to you.  Even giving and receiving gifts or gestures that are done lovingly can be rejected.  We can’t accept a loving gesture because that doesn’t match the deeply held sense of self created during childhood.  “My authentic self doesn’t feel the love so it can’t give the love.”  Yet, the more we practice using the word love, the more our inner child’s created sense of self begins the process of reprogramming.  Just as ‘use it or lose it’ is true with developing physical abilities, saying the word love often, strengthens our sense of self view that it is loved and can be loving.  We attract what we give out and we strengthen what we use.


Why Is The Word Love So Distorted?

We have been brainwashed to only attach the sexual tag on the word, but love is so much more than that.  When not experiencing fulsome nurturing with appropriate touch during childhood, we tend to only see love as the deeply emotional connection between two people when intensely in love.  We haven’t experienced the many other ways that we can show our love to another person. 

Especially for males, any hint of emotional attachment that is not sexual must be scrubbed from self-identity to satisfy peer pressure approval.  Bro hugs, back slaps, loud talk, and deceptive meaning can become protective barriers hiding a male’s inner child’s fears.  The thought of giving full-on hugs with heartfelt emotion for the other person strikes deep fear in emotionally disconnected males.  Their childhood sense of self never learned what love could be and feeling vulnerable causes the fear of ridicule from the crowd.

We have built layer upon layer of dysfunctional fear-based protective measures to hide our fragile sense of self and inner child from exposing the held-on-to deepest fears.  Fear is the antithesis of love.  All of these protective measures are just energy blocks we build damming ourselves away from feeling exposed and vulnerable.  Our sense of self can be ready to explode when the blockages become too constricting.  That may be why behaviors become so permissive when intoxicated.  The controlled, love-deprived little child feels brave enough to express it’s need for love.  That energy blockage can also result in uncontrollable behaviors that seem to be unconnected to the circumstances.

I am convinced that our inner child, and our inner puberty kid, and our inner teen adult all secretly want to let our energies flow freely.  They want to be loved.  They want to be creative and expressive.  They want to be accepted for who they have become.  Carrying around the heavy burden of layers and layers of social judgments and artificial standards can be exhausting.  These societal artificial standards numb us to feeling like expressive, loving beings.  Only when intense relationship-love develops can we feel love.  Lesser intense love situations remain buried.

By mid-adulthood we will have come across others who have that spark of spontaneity, joy, creativity, and lovingness.  Perhaps the mid-life crisis is a desire for that freedom from fear, freedom to return to that lost period when the emotional freedom to live without the adult-world complications that their childhood provided.  Even if the connection to free-flowing love energies is not understood, the mid-life crisis may be an attempt to find that missing child’s love of life.  There are aspects of our childhood that should never be forgotten, especially the sense of wonder, creativity, and intense feelings.

As we peal back the layers of our original fears we uncover doorways to becoming more loving.  It starts by reconnecting with our inner little child that so often gets left behind as we move into adulthood.  Think about what the child needed back then and fulfill those needs as an adult.  Imagine holding your inner child, talk with that lonely child, and make it a part of your daily life.  This is where love begins.

The powerful natural forces of universal energy flowing freely through all of us needs to be our guiding light for rebuilding our incomplete lives.  Once we shed our attachment to the conditional values and rules society manipulates us into following, we can become more loving and happy.  Our resistance to change is a powerful force, and re-discovering our birth consciousness and childhood is sometimes mystifying, but we are strong enough to weather the challenges that releasing our fears will bring.  Then we can get on with discovering our true powers to create, to love, and to be free.  I love you. - kc


About US

KC Business Card Design.png

This blog has been a work of love developed over the past ten years and finally brought to life through the dedicated tech help by Soren, who was originally my physical therapist and now is a time-limited partner who managers two other martial arts training centers. Being an old gay guy I struggle to function well in the blog-a-sphere so this presentation will be a bit rough at first. Feel free to lend your ideas.


Since my teen years I have believed that through appropriate touch we can heal ourselves. But the journey to better understand my own dynamics and gain enough awareness to be able to write about our complex humanness only coalesced after I had an opportunity to be in prison. There I had time to do deep self-examinations about why I was who I am and how I could translate that into helping others make discoveries for themselves. I do not claim to be a professional therapist or counselor.


But I do believe there are others in this world who might benefit from these ideas presented in this blog platform. Having grown to the point of releasing nearly all of my fears and can now truly say that I love every moment and feel in partnership with my soul, I feel that others may benefit from my travels. Being non-judgmental I welcome your insights, whatever they may be, and I will strive to help everyone find greater peace in their lives. and Hoshow, LLC.


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