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About Our Community

This blog is an interactive diverse community seeking personal growth, self-healing, and discovering our amazing personal powers to heal our challenged environments.  We can learn to release our fears, traumas, and need for judgment that interferes with our thinking and sense of self.  We discover how to love every moment without fear.

Held. Hugged. Healed.

Most of us were not nurtured nearly enough, were you?

Why are we so afraid of intimate touch? It's our most important life-giving need for our emotional health! What is the reason so many societies enforce one of the strongest taboos of all -- touching? Showing deep-felt touch has been one of the greatest challenges for males in nearly all cultures. I'm not talking about bro hugs or pats on the back. I'm referring to full hugs showing deep concern for the other person's well-being. That scares the hell out of many adult males and makes even 'liberated' males feel uncomfortable. As a consequence our male children suffer from deprivation of the most important experiences that they desperately need. ​ My sense is this discomfort originates in our early and mid-childhoods when premature weening from intimate parental contact between adult and child, especially male children, begins being enforced through cultural pressures. It's even more traumatic when the mother also withholds intimate touching and nurturing techniques. This is where our dysfunctional, sociopathic interpersonal relationships begin development. ​ Look at pack and pride animal behaviors towards their young. Wolves, lions, lemurs, meerkats, monkeys, and many other species nurture their young all the way into adulthood before weening is completed. This period allows the young to become well developed emotionally, though many researchers and skeptics will say, 'yeah, but they aren't humans and besides, how do you know they are well-adjusted?' Good question. These mammals don't show significant tendencies to be sociopathic or destructive towards their clan. Each successive generation of off-spring continue to fully nurture their young as taught to them by their parents. One of the consequences of poor nurturing is how it becomes generational and gains greater adoption in following cycles of offspring. If even 10% of parents used poor nurturing techniques and society does nothing to counterbalance the effects, within 7.5 generations a society would overcome those parents using appropriate nurturing methods. New parents call on their parent's nurturing techniques for their own young children. Is it any wonder that the most dysfunctional, abusive, manipulative members of society are males? - kc ​ (please go to our membership page to see the rest of these thoughts and participate in the discussions with others; these are posted weekly) #hugging #nurture #Inner #Child #path #judgment #heal #male #taboo #micro-#voices #liberated #weening #sociopath #emotional #healthy #abuse #touch #dysfunction

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Evolution of Childhood

We are meant to be loving, happy, and fully involved in the vast experiences constantly coming to us. But somehow that scenario gets sidetracked in childhood and most of us experience fears, traumas, and self-doubt about our place in this world. As a result, we can carry our traumas throughout adulthood distorting the pure experiences we could have. ​This is going to be a different take on how our personalities develop. Each one of us is filled with a complex set of unique tools for surviving childhood that are overlaid with emotional energies that shape how we interact with our environment. ​ When we are born, we become immersed in learning from others who usually have not resolved their own life traumas, who are reflecting to us their fears, their views they adopted from others before them, and their understanding about what it means to nurture a child. Not only are we learning how to move, talk, and think, but we also must learn how to survive and try to make sense of the actions and behaviors exhibited by everyone we encounter while being virtually helpless to control the circumstances. ​ We begin learning the functioning skills, referred to in this blog as our pure micro-voices, that allow us to use our bodies, and we begin to encounter the physically painful experiences that we learn from through trial-and-error practice as we fall, bump into objects, poke ourselves in the eye, discover hard spoons and strange toys. These are the experiences that teach us our skills and with enough practice we become proficient at walking, climbing, running, throwing, and all the hyperactive joys we become capable of doing. This is the fundamental part of our being that we can learn to control that allows us to negotiate new experiences. ​ But we also must enter the very complicated world of human interactions filled with emotions, expectations, and values. Our pure physical skills-micro-voices that allow us to walk and throw are ill-prepared to handle the emotions of anger coming from others, or the privation from not being held and nurtured nearly enough, or the lack of attention we feel when we want food or a dry diaper. So many confusing interactions with others who are also confused about their own needs. ​ We begin to develop fears that our world in not safe. As we endure prolonged fearful experiences, we begin developing new survival skills. Now we must defend ourselves from unseen forces that are often out of our control. These are the fear energies that we internalize creating a variety of micro-personalities tuned to helping us survive the perceived threats. Our pure unadulterated physical life skills begin having overlaid emotional energies that distort our innocence of youthful wonder about the world. These physical abilities and emotional perceptions become the basis for a wide range of micro-personalities, each one playing an important role in our survival needs. - kc ​ #childhood #fear #trauma #personalities #nurture #survive #micro #voice #skill #emotion #perception #need #value

Micro-Voices Help Us Survive

In an ideal world children grow up being held, nurtured, listened to, treated with patience and respect for the unique individuals they are. And that ideal attention results in pure micro-voices that are well suited for exploring self-abilities, the world, and interacting lovingly with others. For most of us there are varying degrees of having these present, enough so that we develop enough skills to negotiate our daily lives. But often we experience nagging doubts about our lovability, or our confidence, or our abilities, or a myriad of other thoughts telling us something is wrong with us. These are our inner voices reflecting the fears we have internalized, usually from childhood, that create filters our pure micro-voices look upon the world through that alters how we see ourselves in the world. ​ Depending on the degree of traumatic experiences we have had we may still have some micro-voices that are relatively free of the distortions. Eagerly exploring nature without fear could be an inner strength one person enjoys while another is so terrified by the mysteries of the natural world that going for a walk in the woods is not possible. ​ We all hold some fearful filters as we grow into adulthood. For many of us it becomes a mission to avoid those parts of ourselves we don’t like. These internal struggles can turn into an all-out war of destructive behaviors trying to purge painful thoughts, visions, memories, and learned behaviors. ​ This is a battle that can’t be won by force. These voices, no matter how painful they are to live with, are significant aspects of our inner self. We may have several different micro-voices in pain and engaged in different self-battles, but they all are operating from a place of survival, at least during the early stages of our personality development. They are reflecting the fears they experienced earlier in life and are trying to help us survive using the tools they learned to best handle their traumatic experiences. ​ Without appropriate intervention, inner exploration, and acceptance of our traumatic past these traumatized micro-voices can metastasize into very destructive behaviors. The challenge is discovering the techniques that work for releasing the fears being held. ​ It is important to begin by realizing we hold many micro-voices. They are our own creations to help us face earlier life problems. They hold onto fearful energies that can be released in time. They are learned responses to challenges, and they can be unlearned and healed as those challenges become less eventful in our lives. ​ We need to become aware of their basic natures of our protective micro-voices, the forces that created them, and realize they are only reflections of the present state of our ever-changing personalities. We can begin helping them heal individually and as a community of micro-personalities within us by taking incremental steps that peel away layers of emotional baggage. - kc ​ #lovable #survive #micro #voice #nurture #childhood #heal #individual #personalities #emotion #develop #trauma #fear #protect #inner #strength

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Identifying Micro-Voices Part 1

Common descriptions of the personality hold that we have an ego that drives us. This is much too simplistic to be useful for understanding the dynamics behind our thoughts and actions. We are a collection of loosely connected entities referred to here as micro-voices. Each entity is selfishly intent on managing an aspect of our life as it protects our Inner Child. Think of a group of children in a large room together. Some are gregarious and playful, some are withdrawn and shy, some are leaders, some are manipulators, some are easily angered, and some are the peacemakers. Each child brings unique aspects to the group with individual needs, with their own survival skills in place, and with their own view of what their role is to be within the group. Our micro-voices interact similarly with our other micro-voices. Each voice has its own set of developed skills, its own responses to specific challenges, and its own needs. There is no one micro-voice representing who we are. To carry the group-of-children analogy further there will be some dominant and passive members reflecting a range of emotional energies as well. Each one is on a continuum of learned abilities to function within the situation. Change the situation and each child will likely behave differently. But there will be some dominant personality types each child in the group presents. There can be passive controllers and dominant controllers. Some are judgers and critical of others while some negotiate through the differences that arise by rounding up willing collaborators to forge ahead. Those who are shy might find other shy-types and create a safe clique to play within. Each child has distinctive skills and unique responses to situations. We can create a list of our own unique character micro-voices. But more than just listing each character type we need to break down the features that identify each character voice. Listing a judger voice can be further refined by who we are judging, what type of behaviors do we use to express our judgment, what situations bring out our judgment, going as deeply as we feel comfortable exploring. This process can in time identify dozens of micro-voice entities. The dominant will come out first and will even try to prevent minor, more passive voices from being heard. It is helpful to do this at various times since each voice has its own comfort level for being seen. As they begin appearing on the page, we can also begin to see those voices that support each other just like the shy group of children. This can be a very difficult process to engage in since voice creation stems from difficult, even very traumatic circumstances and focusing on deeper voice energies means revisiting some of those original experiences. When doing this self-discovery we can go at a slow pace, gradually getting comfortable recognizing what our emotional energies are, and opening ourselves to taking even further exploratory steps. Even though this can be a slow process remember there is no end point. This self-discovery is a lifetime effort. As we unlock on aspect of ourselves new aspects can then be uncovered. And as these new discoveries appear we can begin feeling more at ease, more sure of ourselves, and more accepting that we can have control over the mysteries within us. We do have the answers within us and when we learn to listen for these answers we make progress. In some cases it can require outside help through professionals adept at helping us make these discoveries. Either way we go about healing ourselves we will make progress.- kc ​ #personality #Inner #Child #micro-voice #children #critic #controller #judging #passive #dominant #trauma #emotion #progress #therapist #discover

Identifying Micro-Voices Part 2

Our micro-voices are sly entities. Each one has developed its own mission to keep us functioning as painlessly as they know how to help us be. Since they were mostly formed during our childhood years their understanding of how to protect our Inner Child tends to be limited to more child-based responses. Once established these micro-voice techniques will not be relinquished even into old age. They need to be intentionally shown how to develop more mature methods for dealing with life experiences. No matter our age we can get back to our earliest emotional energetic responses to difficulties and traumas by slowly revealing the individual micro-voices we created for our survival. They can become very protective about the methods they have grown comfortable using. After decades of responding, in what seems inappropriate behaviors now, a micro-voice still reverts to those useful childhood skills that worked early in life. Once shown there can be other behaviors that are safe and fear-free our micro-voices can change and they can be helped to react with more maturity. ​The critic tends to be well-established in nearly all of us and uses every manipulative tool it knows to maintain its ‘rightness,’ even to the extent of marshaling other micro-voices to help it protect its domain. It is important to not engage any voice that decides who is on and who off our personal list of voices. We will have voices that criticize each other and engage in mini turf battles with our other micro-voices. We hear this happening when we have inner debates telling us what to do or not do. That’s okay, just write down those you can recognize through the noise of protests, or the agony from revisiting traumas, or the silence our very timid voices need to speak through. This is a good time to introduce our aware self. This is the non-judgmental, deep-within voice we all have that tends to be our guiding force. This is the voice we want to use when searching for our micro-voices. Some see this as the voice from God, or from our soul, or from the universe. It is the key to unlocking the traumatic energies we hold on to and the avenue for discovering how to love ourselves. Micro-voices do not want to carry the pain of past traumas and some are open to being healed making it possible to ask our aware self for help in identifying who our micro-voices are. Depending upon how deeply our emotional experiences and energies are buried will determine how easily it will be uncovering their identities. It may take some time to begin receiving their responses, or there could be immediate feedback. Some of us have spent decades burying these emotions and retrieval can take time. For others of us who have not lived with extreme traumas there can be a flood of feedback about who our micro-voices are. Our aware self won’t let us go any faster than we can handle, it too, wants us to survive and fulfill our purpose. Relying on other people to set our reveal-process can have unwanted results if they push us faster than we are ready to move. We need to learn to trust our own self, but do listen to others, read anything that can help develop greater awareness, and be attentive to our needs. In the next chapter we will discuss some techniques for unlocking the hidden energies we may be struggling to discover. There are dozens of little things we can do to super-charge the healing process that help reveal who our micro-voices are and how they interact with each other. - kc ​ #micro #voice #entities #trauma #fear #childhood #individual #judgment #skill #aware #self #heal #Inner #Child #manipulative #love #ourselves #survival #protective

Techniques to Identify Our Micro-Voices

There are dozens of techniques that provide healing for our traumatized micro-voices. Those discussed here are recommended for their ease of use when just beginning to explore our voice identities. Even more advanced techniques can work wonders for us though more effort is required. My first attempt to ease my confused mind started by simply talking to myself both out loud and within my mind. Not understanding the nature of dominant micro-voices back then resulted in having long harangues against perceived threats while I was in prison. My warrior voice played the role of having me visualize facing down menacing foes for many months. ​ Later, I discovered my minor voices also wanted to speak out about their fears. When I added journaling and writing to describe my other voice entities, my progress increased significantly. The advantage of writing to describe situations is it helps prevent repeating over and over dominant voice talking points. Our minor voices want to be heard and writing seems to provide the openings they need to safely express their concerns. My little boy voice did not feel safe in that prison, and even though my warrior played the role of the protector, the powerless feeling my little boy felt kept him fearful and constantly vigilant. ​The more I wrote the safer my other minor voices apparently felt. As I learned to listen more carefully all seeming I could help all voices work in concert. This avoided conflicts, voices developed friendships, and the process for self-improvement sped up. That place was a wonderful experience giving me the space to re-evaluate every aspect of my life. Even at that time ten years ago I began formulating this blogging site concept I’m using now.​ Twenty years earlier I took some classes on Voice Dialoguing where I discovered some of the tools I’ll be recommending in this blog. Be patient with yourself as you start down this path, it may take some time finding the footing you need to make the progress you are wanting to make. Our micro-voices are like an onion with many years of emotional layering that needs to be pealed away. Those layers are there to help us survive. Our voices release their held energies when they feel safe and are sincerely heard.​ Some people use their artistic talents to find their micro-voices. Acting, being a reader of metaphysical books, talking with aware friends, and simply meditating to seek answers about where our fears started, these are all extremely helpful. Even using a mirror looking deeply into our own eyes can provide important clues to the fears our voices are holding on to. Just keep seeking answers to the source of held fears by following the clues you will discover. And answers do appear when you least expect them to. Keep asking your aware self for help and you will be presented with the clues and answers you need.​ Engage in conversations with your voices during quiet times. They know the truths we seek so be patient as they learn to trust sharing those painful experiences with the aware self. Avoid judging whatever they want to share with you. Treat each micro-voice like an intimate friend and you will begin receiving many insights about your past. - kc ​ #identify #micro #voice #identities #dominant #metaphysical #mind #writing #dialogue #path #survive #self #discover #fear #aware #answer #judge

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