#12 - Importance Of Creating Our Own Truths
Updated: Mar 8
All of us have experienced moments when one set of our values seems to be in conflict with other values we hold. Often these conflicts are around honesty and thievery, how we treat others, personal identity, religious or life beliefs, or fulfilling our ideal life’s work and the need to take jobs we don’t really want to do for financial reasons. These are crisis moments when our various micro-voices are in conflict. Remember, we have diverse sets of voices that fulfill different roles while protecting our Inner Child.
Each voice will have values it uses to negotiate daily experiences and the source of those held values will determine how dedicated our responses will be. In childhood we generally adopt the values promoted by parents and the adult world we have lived around. By our later teen years, we may begin to question the validity of their teachings and begin creating our own sets of values. Each of our micro-voices may go through this process, or only a few of our voices will do so, creating conflicts within our family of inner voices. Our these voices can even begin to disagreeing with each other.
But the process of developing our own values is vital for reclaiming and developing our personal power and self-identity. When we rely on the value systems held by others our micro-voices don’t have a reliable gauge to use for decision-making. Our inner voices don't have a foundation of deeply held beliefs that are needed for guiding our actions. That uncertainty can result in inconsistent behaviors and anxiety around what decision needs to be made.
As our inner conflicts grow we may begin challenging 'our' adopted beliefs that seem wrong some how. This is a most important stage to reach. This is when we begin our maturing steps for adopting a true self identity. We may feel confused and lost, but this becomes the energy we need to begin developing our true self. This process is like trying on different sets of clothes to see which we most like, which reflects how we see ourselves.
When we have a supportive network of adults and friends this transformation into our truer selves is much easier than when we have a strict expectation forced on on us for how we need to think, look, behave. We can take years of trial and error discovering what we believe, sometimes living images that we realize are uncomfortable to maintain. We may engage in ill-fitting relationships or occupations that we change as we search for our preferred identity.
Once our dominant micro-voices achieve their own sets of values and images they are comfortable with they, may no longer be as paralyzed by decision-making even when our various minor voices don’t fully agree. Becoming our ‘own person’ and knowing our own beliefs to guide our decisions eases our stress.
Being our true self will probably put us in conflict with those we previously relied upon when we used their values, but this is the maturing process our voices need to go through. As we continue maturing we may be able to find common ground with those who judge us and disagree with our new self. With our own identity we grow strong enough to not need to appear like everyone else, to feel we have to sacrifice who we see ourselves being to fit in.
As we mature we may choose to create our own compatible worlds to live within, find new friends, do work we love doing. This is how we retake our personal powers and create our identity. This becomes our own foundation, not someone else’s. - kc